Guest Blog by Jessica Pritchett – O’ Perpetrator
If only you could understand.
That your words hurt more than you could ever comprehend.
If only you’d show me, you feel the hurt of what’s been done.
That you’d do anything to move the earth and the sun.
Who are you to tell me how to cope?
Like I should just be living off rainbows and hope.
Who are you to dictate my emotions?
After all, you weren’t there through all the commotion.
If only you could see, all the devastation that has made me.
Because, when you diss how I handle things, it’s like you don’t even believe.
Believe that I’ve been through the depths of hell;
and, those demons aren’t the reason I fell.
If you really loved me, couldn’t you see…
That all I am is my past that haunts me.
you chose to overlook,
my safety lines that you mistook.
Mistook as something I could do without.
Isn’t it the reason you scream and shout?
You shout because you disapprove of how I handle my pain.
My self-worth isn’t what you’re looking to soothe, it’s your ego your wanting to gain.
But, it seems as though, you’ve come to the conclusion.
That I’m just weak and my past is just an illusion.
I see the disappointment in your eyes. Like I’m some stranger who’s just passing by.
Until you’ve been raped of everything, don’t you dare come at me, with your judge-mental stings.
Your words are branded on me like a stain…
Like a stain that’s just like my unrelenting pain.
I’ve had enough strife in my life, I don’t need you adding to it.
It’s astonishing that “your love,” keeps putting me through it.
You follow through with your degrading games.
Perhaps, you’re the one to blame.
I feel like a burden that’s been tossed aside.
All because I refuse to follow your rules and I won’t abide.
Can’t you see that you’re missing the chance?
The chance of changing everything, to look at me with that glance…
The glance of, I’ve got you… hold on tight.
I want to be the one to love you throughout the night.
My past is an inconvenience to you.
But, respectfully, fuck you…
You’re not the one who’s lived through… the paralyzing pain of someone taking advantage of you.
Someone who’s touched you everywhere, because they proclaimed that they cared.
You haven’t screamed through the nightmares while your body shudders in fear.