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Ruby Usman

Ruby was born in the slums of Karachi, Pakistan. She has experienced sexual abuse at the hands of many men as a child; some of them strangers and others, close family members. She grew up as a Muslim woman and experienced violence as an integral part of society and culture. She now writes about these traditions and hopes that by starting these debates, a new face of Islam is revealed. A new Islam with love, compassion and forgiveness for ALL irrespective of their gender, race and colour.

4 Comments

  1. Arven
    December 7, 2016 @ 11:41 am

    Interesting points to ponder. My childhood abuse was physical and emotional, but some of the same considerations apply. Personally I don’t like or identify with labels because of the automatic social expectations and judgements that are attached to them. These, in my experience, block the capacity to see the person as a unique individual – instead encouraging others to view them as a definable representative of a category. So I see myself neither as a ‘survivor’ nor ‘victim’ of abuse in terms of my internal labels. If I sit and consider the reality of my life then they are both true. I was a victim of repeated physical violence from people I was too small to fight back, and I am a survivor of long-term emotional violence. Yet I also find that if I consider these as personal identifiers then I just start to lose energy and feel diminished – as if I am over-investing in maintaining my own ‘wounds’. Even though the psychological impacts of those early experiences may never be fully healed, there is for me a definite deep advantage in stepping back from identifying with any labels. This is just my experience, and I can imagine that for some people being acknowledged as a ‘survivor’ or ‘victim’ could be a very valuable first step in a healing process around something they formerly suppressed.

  2. Ruby Usman
    December 7, 2016 @ 1:19 pm

    Very well said Arven. Maybe the key is to use the labels as guidelines rather than identifications. I agree with you in that I was a victim of sexual abuse and I have survived that so both of these labels apply but if we use the same analogy, aren’t we all survivors of life and its happenings?
    For me personally, my body cringes when I use these words for me or anyone else…

  3. Shagufta
    December 7, 2016 @ 1:28 pm

    I think these replacement words are taking the judgment away which comes very heavily with word victim and survivor .. coz then we hear victim and survivors words start judging right away (what happened that this person become victim or survivor)

    but using other words like intruder, abuser, do talk about a person but it open and different dilemma … I think it takes the pity thing away from victim or survivors…it probably opens a open minded experience for the situation ..
    judging and feel pity is common thing in third world county..as you know

    U doing good work..

    keep it up..

    Love

  4. Ruby Usman
    December 7, 2016 @ 1:54 pm

    You are right Shagufta. I think the key is to remain conscious and not get lost in the labels and the corresponding connotations.
    I am liking the term abused and abuser